I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
