you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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