My sheets look like a crime scene.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
