At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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