She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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