things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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