All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
