I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
