omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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