I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
