i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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