only if we run a train.
done.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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