Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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