More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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