I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
