I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
