Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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