3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
