Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
