1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
