if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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