Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
foreskin is a definite game changer
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
