piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
