like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
