How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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