What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
