Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
