summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
