i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
