no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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