nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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