We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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