You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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