I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
