the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
