ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
