bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
