Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
