There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
