Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
