I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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