dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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