dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
