8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
