If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think your dad took our porno
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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