watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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