Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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