White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
