someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
