Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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