Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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